I'd really just like to smoke this one cig in peace. Wait, can't smoke. Then, I'd like to lean against this wall in peace.
But there's no peace. The world keeps pulling at different directions, though. School, north. Relationships, northwest.
North by northwest I'm dragged but I'd rather walk down southeast tracks.
I don't really want anything to keep track of. Relationships, studies, promises.
But I promise I'll maintain these. I don't want to keep promises, but I have to. My word binds me.
Well, I'm a binder of words. A lot of my words are just paper. Some smart, some dumb, some sweet, some mean.
I don't mean everything I say, but what I do mean I'm serious about.
So seriously, I'll play your Milton Bradley game. I'll live how you expect me to live. But please, grant me a day of no obligation. A day where no one will call me, no one will knock on my door.
It happens when I'm on the train. The smells and sights of the bay, in all its grey/blue glory. I've tried taking pictures during these moments, but the focus is never right. It's never just the water, it's never just the sky, it's never just the fog. It's everything I take in during these moments. Even the smell of the hippies sitting a row behind me.
And it happens when I'm driving. Has to be night. No traffic. Rain is optional, but preferred. I like a little splash. Street lights, generous speed limit. Generous green lights.
The world might end tomorrow. We got a tsunami in Japan and possible nuclear meltdown, funnel clouds in SF, tornadoes in Santa Rosa, a war in Libya, a "supermoon" in the sky possibly causing all this crazy shit minus Libya. Maybe minus Libya. And crazy rain in Davis. The whole world is a storm right now.
If the world's gonna end tomorrow, maybe I should start living for myself now. Gotta go get mine, no matter what the cost, right?
She was there, she was feeling me, I was feeling her, and I shoulda asked her out. Or, I shouldn't. This the girl my homie's been crushing on for two thirds of a school year. Even if he knows she's not into him and his game plan is "persistence pays."
I even resisted asking for her number. While she's twirling the hell out of her hair like it a freakin pinwheel. While she's tryna play it cool even though her eyes are firing like hadouken. While she's asking me about every facet of my life, listening, and not treating me like some CNN.com article that she could read and then close the window on.
She's even on Verizon too. One text can lead to two can lead to sex.
Nah, that wouldn't be how I'd talk to her. That's disrespectful. To more than just me and her.
She's not your everyday normal girl. She can banter, she can argue with me about things that matter, we can stimulate each other's minds. And her mannerisms are cute as hell. She's smooth as hell. Marriage material.
But my bro's into her. I shouldn't. This wasn't a regret, it shouldn't be a regret. I know I did the right thing. Right?
World could end tomorrow. This little decision I made might not matter that much. My homeboy can't persist if we don't got a world to persist on.
Maybe I shoulda asked her out. Then, I wouldn't be second guessing myself. World could end right? Homie wouldn't have treated her right anyways. He only wants one thing from her.
No. Not gonna trash my bro like that. I know what kind of person he is, I'm not gonna belittle him to benefit me. Gotta follow what's right. Not my wants, my desires.
If the world ends, I don't want my life to end without me staying true to what convicts me. That's why I gotta keep. Keep on, that is. Keep on staying the course, whatever the hell that course is. Keep on tryna do good. Keep, keep on.
tl;dr
bros before hoes. I'd probably jump on that if he ever gets over her though.
